Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
