You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
