I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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