Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize