Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
