i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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