I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
