A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
