I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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