So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we're making bets on your personal life
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
