So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
