I am in a vortex of obligation.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
