Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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