I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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