Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
