i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize