I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
