While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had sex on a roof
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
