If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
