i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
