you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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