Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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