my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
