I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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