When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
