If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
