Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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