we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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