I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
