Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
