need another drink. this is the easiest way
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize