My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
