so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
