How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize