i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
