I just cut my nipple shaving
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
