the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
