This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
