he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's great music for shaving your balls
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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