so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
