If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
