i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
