im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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