In the future we'll all be gay
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
