There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
