i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
