And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
