the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
