i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
