Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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