I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
