finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
