It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
