i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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