So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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