But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
