o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize