Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
