I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
