he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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