he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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