So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
