Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
