she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
