True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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