We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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