is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
