I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
