she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize