ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need moral support for this bender
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
