He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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