how can u be prego again
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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