and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
