Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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