why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
