take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
