You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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