I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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