I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize