some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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