so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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