I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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