Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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