I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
