i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Little spoons don't ask big questions
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
