Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
