While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
