Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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