We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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