I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
