oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize